Conjunctivitis

Yes, it's gross... and it's keeping me from working. Now, if we weren't poor, I would actually welcome it- because a day off is nice and when you feel fine (except for a little annoyance) it's a decent break. However, sitting here checking blogs and watching the Cosby Show isn't allowing me to make the meager salary that we require to continue life as we know it. Well, I think I'll go do some more disinfecting and maybe find some other worthwhile things to occupy my time. Just thought I'd give a shout out.

wedded bliss

Wow. Now that's a long absence. I will not make any empty claims of planning to post more often. I just want to give a short update for now. We'll see how it goes from there.

Married life is wonderful. I can't believe Steven and I get to be roommates! It's so fun. I am never bored. Life has been an incredible whirlwind and I think next month we will finally have some down time for the first time in... close to a year, I think. We have recently had a few evenings to be home and it feels so strange.
So, if you were wondering what happened to me/us, we're still kickin'. If you were supposed to get a thank-you note from our wedding, it's still coming. If you haven't heard from us and should have, I'm sorry. And there you have it. For pictures, look me up on facebook. That's all for now.

Ready or Not... Here It Comes

The countdown has begun. Well, we've been counting down since Christmas Eve when we got engaged, but let's say the countdown seems to be speeding up. We are within a week of being married. I have these little reality check moments where I can't believe it. It's so surreal. You try to picture these moments from the time you're little, and then they arrive, and it feels so strange it's as though you've never even considered them. It's not like, "This is how I thought this would be," or "This isn't how I thought it would be." It's just as though I've never given it a thought at all. Maybe that makes no sense to anyone else, but that's the only way I can explain it.
In any case, this is my last Sunday as a single person. Not that there's anything significant about Sunday because I'll be saying that about Monday, tomorrow. I'm just trying to process that at this time next week, I'll be married and on my honeymoon. Not just married, but I'll be a wife, and I'll have a husband. All of those things, while seemingly synonymous, carry their own weight and significance. I got used to having a fiance. This is totally different.
Let me clarify, for those who might fear I will be the next runaway bride, that I am extremely excited. I am just incredibly analytical and introspective (those who have read this before are giving a big, "duh" right now). I cannot wait to marry Steven. Not just to be married, as there is a great fear among single women that they will remain that way, but to marry Steven. He is my best friend, and I can't believe how God has worked to bring us to this point of being the match for the other. I can rest assured that our love is strong, our commitment is eternal, and that our life will never be boring. And I do use the singular "life" because on Saturday, we will merge two lives into one. That's the beauty of it all.

Showered with Love

So, apparently, when you're planning a wedding that is rapidly approaching and spending every evening at the theatre for a show that is even more rapidly approaching, one finds that she has no time for things like updating a blog. In fact this one will be short. I just thought that I would say that in view of my "double-header" shower day (of the bridal, rather than bath, persuasion) I feel very loved. Yes, two groups of friends planned two celebrations for Steven and I today. Truthfully, he was not invited to the first, but will reap the benefits anyway. And as it turned out, all of the participants of the first shower, were also at the second. But here's the point: I looked around at everyone who was gathered and thought, "These great people are all here to show their love and support to Steven and me." That's pretty cool. I often have a negative view of how I perceive that others feel about me. After a day like today, I am in awe of how wrong I can be. So, I just want to say to those involved, Thanks!

Memorial Day

This is a week late. I wrote it last week during church (oops), but just decided to post it. The background info is that a musical guest made a quick comment about feeling like lifting his hands but having to control himself in our church. I do not claim that a person should raise his hands or should not. Rather, he should feel comfortable to worship God in whatever way the Holy Spirit moves him. This statement, which probably went unnoticed by many and overlooked by many more, just fed my angst about our inability to grasp the idea of worshiping "in spirit and in truth," or even to care to find out what that means.


When a guest in our church feels inhibited in worship, what does that say to us? 1. There is a spirit of oppression over this place. 2. We have grown accustomed to it.

If we feel physically restricted, is that where it stops? What does our inability to lift our hands suggest? Our inability to surrender to God? Our inability to expose our hearts to Him and to immerse ourselves in worship?

How ironic on a day when we are celebrating liberty. Is Memorial Day a time for pomp and ceremony and flair- or to remind us of those who have sacrificed for us? Likewise, is church a time for pomp and ceremony and flair, or to draw our attention to the One who sacrificed His life for ours.

Is Jesus honored by our restraint? Is He honored by our fine dress and etiquette? I often wonder what pleases Him and what saddens Him - what honors Him and what mocks Him. This I know - He once walked into a temple, overturned tables, flipped things upside-down, drove people out, and created an overall ruckus because the temple was being used in the wrong way. I wonder if it isn't time for some table turning again.

A Wedding Story - Episode 2.5

I just had to post an update because something has occurred that I thought was hilarious. I want my reader(s) to know that after all the worry about running out of time for the dress, it was ordered on Saturday... and came in on Thursday. I almost passed out. And then I called Mom and Steven to laugh at them. There you have it. Procrastinating brides everywhere - it will be OK!

A Wedding Story - Episode 2

As of last Saturday, the wedding dress is ordered! I appreciate all of the "encouragement," but you can all rest your pretty little heads about at least that one thing. Please give me a couple of weeks to bask in the decision that has been made, and then you can pick something else to hound me about. I am kidding...mostly. I recognize that I have little intrinsic motivation, so I acknowledge the need for some of the external pressure. Anyway, in case you are wondering, it should be here by the beginning of July.
Last night, I had a conversation with Steven's mom and aunts about the reception. If anyone else has any good, money-saving tips, send them on. The more I analyze it (because that's what I do) the more it boggles my mind. When you get right down to it, it's a funny thing that I should be one of the poorest people at my wedding and, because of tradition, find myself feeding a multitude. I am going to have to ask for a fish and loaves miracle. I want people to come witness the ceremony. I want them to stick around afterwards to talk. And though I don't feel like I have a "dream wedding" in mind, I do want to throw flowers and cut cake and have the whole picture. That takes food (because people won't stay just because you want them to) and food takes money (duh).
I am super excited about my mom and sister, Heather, coming to visit in a week and a half. They are going to help me with the next few planning steps. I'm just glad to see them, but I hope we also get a lot accomplished. My "little" sister got married last year (see the November archives) so she has a wealth of experience and wisdom. And, of course, Mom is planning her second wedding within a year (not hers - mine and Heather's). Anyway, that's all for this wedding installment. 'Til next time...

Drumroll please...it's a List.

I made a long, arduous hike to my car a while ago to retrieve my bag containing items to prevent boredom in various situations- especially useful during non-elementary school subbing. However, the teacher left her computer logged on for me so I have instead been reading up on blogs, looking at wedding stuff, etc. This has caused me to want to update my blog, but I really don't know what to say. Therefore, here is "Kelli's First Blogging List" (try to contain your excitement). I have decided to curb the randomness and restrict this list to the joys of substitute teaching...in no particular order.

• Every day is a new situation. No cubical farm monotony here.
• It's fun to be directionally impaired and try to remember directions to and the layouts of about ten different places (so far).
• Flexible schedule.
• Sometimes not knowing, when you go to bed, if you'll work in the morning or not.
• Occasionally getting to feel like you're making a difference... or at least making someone's day a little better.
• Lots of movies.
• Re-learning all the things that were crammed down your throat in school, but never stuck... and actually enjoying it this time.
• School lunch is only $2.65! (and worth every penny)
• Getting paid to read... or do newspaper puzzles... or update blogs!
• Getting out at 2:30 or 3-ish.
• Seeing "the other side" of school... like where the teachers go that nobody else can.
• Reading fun stories to children.
• Ah! the smell of hand sanitizer.
• Watching other people struggle with Chemistry and secretly laughing at them.
• Freaking people out when you actually know the subject matter.
• Spring Break!! (break: good; paycheck: bad)
• Not having to make lesson plans, grade papers, or do homework.
• Kids are funny... all ages, different amusements.

I'm sure I could think of more if I really tried, but maybe I'll post an addendum later. I hope you enjoyed it.

Correction

Just in case there are any fans out there of Kathie Lee Gifford, Carnival Cruiseline, or 80s commercials, I thought I would throw in a correction from two entries ago. After much reflection I realized that the song on the commercial was not "Who Could Ask for Anything More" but was in fact, "If They Could See Me Now" or whatever the song with those words is actually titled. I still think there was a commercial using the former song, but I can't remember what it was. I'm sure no one else was losing sleep over this, but I just couldn't allow myself to knowingly be wrong.

A Wedding Story - Episode 1

I don't know if I will continue with the above title, but I needed something for now and I couldn't think of anything better. The wedding is 7 months from today which sounds a whole lot shorter than the original "a little less than 10 months." I mean, ten months is almost a year; seven months is approaching half a year. Maybe you don't agree, but it feels like a big difference.
As it is the seven month mark, Steven and my mom conspired against me and decided that today is my deadline for ordering a wedding dress (this being the biggest priority for this time frame as the dress can take a while to come in and be altered, etc.). Mind you, I ignored them almost completely in an act of defiance. However, I did go shopping again this weekend and have come to three favorites. So, I am getting closer.
I have already started having wedding nightmares. Ok, so maybe "nightmare" is too strong a word. I don't wake up in a cold sweat or anything. But there is a definite sense of panic. It's usually about major things being left undone. The funny thing is, they don't take place at the wedding, but at or around the time of the rehearsal. I would have to consult my fiance, the dream interpreter, but I suppose that means I am stressed about the preparation, but not the actual event. If I am right, then I suppose that's good. However, seven months is long when you think of it as seven months of stress. So, I resolve to try not think of it that way (is something really a resolve if you're just "trying" to do it? Oh well). I will think of it as seven more months of pre-wedding excitement. Yeah, that's better.

A Little of Life Right Now

So, here's the thing... the thing is, my posts are mostly serious. Now, there's nothing wrong with being serious or insightful. And I did warn my readers that a major quirk, if you will, of mine is that I am over-analytical. However, after reading the blogs of several friends, I realize that mine is missing a lighthearted side. (There were some non-deep things around Christmas, but I'm sort of overlooking those for the time being). I'm a lighthearted gal (did I just say "gal"?) so I think I need more posts about the lighter side of life. For one thing, because I rarely post, I think I've come to feel that anything worthy of writing about should be significant. The flip side of this being that if I wrote more often, I could write "lighter," and vice versa. Here's the other thing: when I'm not writing about something serious, I tend to ramble in randomness. Thus, the title of this blog.

Today I am an english/drama teacher. No, I am a person sitting in an english/drama classroom for the purpose of keeping order. Despite that, I thought to myself today, "I like subbing." And since that is my present "career" (I use that word lightly), I think it is good that I like it. The part I don't like is having to be mean. Don't get me wrong- I'm good at it. I just need to find a balance between meanness and love- discipline and compassion. I suppose parents know what I'm talking about.

I have lately been floating between two musicals. Neither seems like it will be ready for performance in time. In one, I dance. In the other, I teach others to dance. I enjoy both, but it can be stressful. Nonetheless, I am doing what I love and, in one case, getting paid for it. As Kathie Lee Gifford once sang in a commercial from my childhood, "Who could ask for anything more?" (Sorry Gershwin)

Well, speaking of the previous two paragraphs, I should use this planning period to work on choreography stuff. I hope you enjoyed the randomness. Maybe there will be more to follow. One of these days I'm going to get totally wild and do a LIST!

Civil Rights

Alas, I am a day late. Readers of my blog (do those exist?) would say that I am several weeks late. Given what I am about to discuss, the negative thinkers among us would call it a month late. I am choosing to say that one day into March and out of February (among other things, Black History Month for those of you who don't spend regular amounts of time in the public school system) I am a day late. Call it positivity, call it an attempt to lessen the stigma of procrastination, or just call it exasperating and tell me to get on with it.

I could write about many things in regard to black history and black culture. Some topics would be controversial; some would hopefully be insightful; some would probably just show my ignorance. But today, what caught my attention was a series of pictures and descriptions encircling a social studies classroom. The posters depicted the progression of the civil rights movement from the late 1800s
until the "assassination" of Martin Luther King, Jr. in 1968. I would argue that there was probably more to say about the movement even after the death of Mr. King, but that's another issue.

The event that held my attention was the integration of the University of Mississippi in 1962. In September of 1962, the Supreme Court ordered the university to admit its first black student, James Meredith. The color of this man's skin prompted 14 hours of rioting leaving two dead and nearly 200 injured as well as the deployment of 20,000 federal troops to restore order by Mr. Meredith's mere setting foot on campus. You can say what you will about the decline of society, but I am astounded that this barbaric event, among other similarly horrific ones, took place in this country only 43 years ago. I am amazed at the ludicrousy of such discrimination. In the early forties, America fought a war across the ocean in part to stop the outrageous persecution of the Jewish people. Twenty years later, a large portion of our population regarded one of our own citizens with the same Nazi-like disgust on our own soil. Twenty thousand troops and two dead. The president had to call for 20,000 troops to stop childish fighting over the presence of a man with darker skin pigment. What is equally amazing is how easy it is for us to find reasons to hate another person.

We learn about history not so that we can feel smart when we watch Jeopardy or play Trivial Pursuit, but so that we can learn from the mistakes of our predecessors. I confess that I don't know nearly enough about history. But I know that my generation, and today's children need to learn about the atrocities of the past. Prejudice still exists today, and in much more complicated terms than the color of one's skin. You might say we've become more "sophisticated" in our dislike and disdain of each other. We have to learn how to love each other, and to do that we have to move beyond ourselves and really see each other. Think about it.

My ENGAGEMENT!

Ok, ok...many have complained about the lack of an engagement posting, but let's face it, all of those people have heard about it already!

Yes, as of Christmas Eve, I am engaged to marry Steven Suits. He flew to Orlando to surprise me...and it worked! It's strange how even though we had talked about the prospect of marriage, it's a totally different feeling and mindset when the question has been presented and the ring is on your finger. (If you haven't heard the whole story, and want to hear it, just tell me...and let me just say, it's a GOOD story)

So, now we have about a million decisions to make. Actually, I hope it's more like 200...225... because we've decided to make a decision a day (and truthfully, we haven't exactly held to that). If you know either of us, you know that decisions are not our "thing"...it's more like I break into a cold sweat and he gets a migraine. So, pray for us!

The big day, forebearing any unseen conflicts, is October 14, 2006. Mark your calendars!

My Christmas

Thanks to my brother, Adam, for "letting" me steal this. Check out his site with the link to the left.

Merry Christmas

Though it's starting to become cliché, I thought I would post some musings on the "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" issue. Actually, my thoughts are more general than that. I think the Happy Holidays issue has been blown out of proportion, even by those who complain that it has been blown out of proportion. The problem with it is not so much whether or not we should be forcing Christmas on others. To me, it's similar to the gay marriage issue. I know some readers are saying, "Where in the world is she going with this one?" Well, the truth is, I'm not sure... stay with me. It almost amuses me that people are making it into a legal issue, when it's really a religious one. The institution of marriage is ordained by God. God created it to be a certain thing. The American people either don't realize this, or have forgotten it. The idea of making a constitutional amendment to define marriage, is as crazy to me as making a constitutional amendment to make stipulations on who is or isn't saved. It is almost comical that those who have little regard for anything else scriptural, are fighting to protect an ordinance of God that they really don't understand. With that said, let's consider this phraseology problem. I don't care to force people to say Merry Christmas, as much as I care about the disappearance of the meaning of Christmas. The political correctness has long been out of hand. I think those who are enraged by the removal of "Merry Christmas" are feeling the frustration of the loss of their freedom of religion. No, it's not an incredibly huge problem, but it typifies one. What the American public is failing to grasp is that Christmas is a religious holiday! Yes, many of our traditions have their roots in pagan customs, but Christmas, by its very name, is about Christ! We are a society that is becoming increasingly less Christ-like and Christ-serving, yet we fight tooth and nail to keep our Christmas trees and Christmas presents and Christmas decorations. My desire is that all people- Christians, non-Christians, those who think they're Christians but show little evidence of it- would focus on Jesus and the reason He came, not just at Christmas, but all through the year. And maybe, those who think they have it figured out, could share that message with others, instead of harping on politics and semantics.

Delayed Reports

It has been so long! I actually don't have much to say at the moment which is ironic since I've had lots to say in the last month and a half but couldn't sign onto Blogger. The highlights, since my last post are that I went back to Carson-Newman for Homecoming and then last weekend, my sister got married. There were plenty of other things worth noting, but I'm not recalling them at the moment. And of course, there's a lot to say on either of those subjects as well. I already started an entry about college, so I'll wait on the CNC thing until I can get back to that one. For now, let's just pick up where we are with the wedding.

People go to weddings all the time. It's not a big deal, right? I mean, it's pretty significant when it's your own (I assume, having never been in that position), but when someone else gets married it's just like the passage of time. At least that's sort of how I always looked at it. Don't get me wrong, I don't take marriage lightly at all; and there is a sentimental, over-analytical part of me that always takes a deeper look into the event. But this wedding has such a grip on me that I went into it with an anticipation almost like that of a bride, and I have been dwelling on it all week since.

Aside from my step-sister, this was our first family wedding. I first thought it would be difficult for me to handle my little sister getting married before me, but that thought was not usually at the forefront of my mind. Instead, I was so excited for her and just wanted everything to be perfect for her. I wanted to soak in every moment so that in the coming years, as we reminisce, it will be a cherished memory to talk about and share with even her children. I was overwhelmed by the sense of peace that I had in knowing that she was in the center of God's will. I thought about how I was just starting to develop a bond with her and now I was letting her go. I thought about the conversations we'd had over what she wanted in a husband, in a wedding, and in a marriage and how she was getting everything she had hoped and prayed for. It was a crazy weekend of preparation that left us all in need of some stress relief (and some even partaking in the medicinal kind!). But, when the bridesmaids had processed to the front and the glorious bridal processional started as the back doors opened to reveal she and my father standing there, I thought it was one of the most beautiful moments I had witnessed in my life. To look across at my brothers and know that we were all able to experience this together, to sing with one brother while the bride and groom joined in a song of praise to God, to watch her be overcome with emotion at the sight of our handiwork in making the reception of her imagination come true- these are the things I will carry with me and think of when I remember this wonderful day. I love my sister, and I hope that she will one day get a glimpse into what I felt for her this weekend as I watched her take the hand of a man I respect, and become his beautiful bride.

Men who hit, and the women who love them

This day is dragging on so I thought I would get on here and ramble. Here is what plagues my thoughts today: Domestic Violence: Men who abuse, and, more importantly, women who let them.
It is a good thing that I don't work directly with this area of crime, but I still run across things that boggle my mind. When a man is arrested for Criminal Domestic Violence year after year, month after month, and the victim is the same woman, I just cringe. I have long wondered about the "battered wife syndrome," a term that I can't remember if I heard or made up. What is it that makes a woman stay with a man who mistreats her? This takes all forms: emotional abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, cheating, etc. And though it is all wrong, I suppose the lines of anything other than physical abuse are more gray. But when someone hits another person, it's fairly obvious to that person that something very definitive and wrong has just occurred. Why would that victim stay with the person? I know that the victims are extremely insecure. I know that the abusers turn on the charm and try to make the victims feel better or twist the events to make it seem like the victim deserved it. I know these things. But in my heart, I grieve for these women who are so desperate to be loved, that they find a cheap imitation and settle for their own destruction. I wish that every woman knew her worth in God's eyes. I wish that every little girl would know a man's pure love so she didn't grow up searching in all of the wrong places for what she lacks. As always, I wish I could help.

What's New

Seeing as how I have been employed for almost a month now, I suppose "Vocational Purgatory" isn't exactly accurate anymore. However, I do still feel that way, in a sense, because I'm not, nor do I desire to be, settled here. I am working at the Solicitor's Office in Spartanburg County which provokes remarks about exactly what I am soliciting. For you non-South Carolinians, it's the District Attorney's office. Basically, I work with the folks who prosecute criminals. It is interesting to read police reports and watch the news unfold, but aside from that, it's not too exciting for me. I suppose I can settle for the fact that in some small way, I am helping ensure the safety of my community.
So, I am working. And though I have settled for "working to eat," aside from a brief conversation at church yesterday, I haven't heard a single thing from the resumes and emails I sent out over a month ago. However, I will soon be teaching a couple of voice classes which should get my foot in the proverbial door, and I was recently approached by the Boys and Girls Club for the purpose of teaching drama and/or a choir. That one would be volunteer, but it's something. Aside from those things, I am co-leading an 8th grade girls discipleship group, teaching 5th grade children's choir, singing at a senior adult luncheon, playing the flute in the orchestra for "State Fair," and choreographing and performing with a local drama troupe. So, I'm a tent maker, but I'm doing what I love and what I was born to do. For now, I'll take it.

Vocational Purgatory

I keep feeling like I should post something new. I no longer have the excuse of no time and have actually spent a large amount of time on the computer in recent days. So, without excuses I am left with the desire to say something but not sure about how I feel about this transitional period in which I find myself. I felt God leading me away from my job. It was probably even overdue. I felt Him leading me to work at SeeSalt and then trust Him for the rest. So I did. Now I'm into "the rest" and feeling rather abandoned. I don't have a very good idea of what I'm supposed to be doing and even if I just settle for working to eat instead of eating to work, I don't have any strong leads for that either. I think I know the long range plans but am starting to feel like there are many steps between now and then. I am starting to doubt decisions I made a long time ago that I thought were Spirit-led. In my heart I know it was the right thing but my head would sure like to argue with it in the face of difficulty. Regardless, there's nothing I can do about that now. I would really like to get to a point in life where I didn't have to continually ask, "What's next?" I guess that won't ever really end, but do I have to be this unsettled ALL the time? I keep going through an endless cycle of asking, waiting, listening, grasping at air, and starting over. It's getting old and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. Change should be exciting, but is it any wonder that it causes me such turmoil when I am constantly in its midst and it produces such frustration?

It's ok- I'm still alive.

Yes, it's been a while. Whatever few readers I had have probably moved on out of boredom. I've been at camp where computer time is severly lacking and strangely becomes not so important. It also feels like we enter some sort of time warp where days are weeks and weeks are months. However, it is an incredible feeling to be exhausted for the sake of spending practically every waking moment (including those that should be sleeping moments) working toward the goal of leading teenagers to a relationship or the deepening of a relationship with Jesus Christ. There is nothing like it.

Now I am two days into a two week break where my purposes are cleaning my room (a daunting undertaking) and, hopefully, lining up a job or two for August when I will suddenly be unemployed. I am feeling bored, lonely, and couch potato-ish. It is a drastic change not to be running around constantly and surrounded by other people while following a rigid schedule made up by someone else. Even "free time" was stressful because we had to agree with 18 or so others as to what to do and where to go. Apparently, we enjoyed it though, because tonight we're getting together as though our two days apart is too much. I suppose that demonstrates our closeness and, in a good way, dependance on each other. The aformentioned tasks, high stress levels, and high emotions of both, tend to bond people together.

So there you have it. For those who have wondered if I dropped off the face of the earth, the answer is, "Not quite...but close." Without going into detail, I am loving it and wish everyone could experience this. When asked if I would do it all again I quickly responded with, "Oh yeah."

Hopefully, more to follow on this topic after the summer...