Mother's Day is coming, and I feel the need to ask forgiveness. There are two groups of young women out there who don't have children, and don't particularly enjoy this day. The first group are those who have chosen, at least for now, not to have children. That should be ok with the rest of us, and we need to leave you alone about it. I'm sorry some pester you with questions.
The second group is the group of which I used to be a member. You are the moms without children. You are the single ladies who want to start a family, but haven't found that right guy yet. You are those who long for a baby but repeatedly see that negative sign or have already been told you won't be able to bear children. You are those who have lost babies. As my mother-in-law once said, "Empty arms are empty arms no matter what the reason is." It is to this group that I ask forgiveness.
Why? Because I am going to celebrate Mother's Day. As I hold one child on my lap and another kicks and squirms right behind him, I am thankful. Don't get me wrong - I will continue to think of you often. For those of you that I know, your faces and circumstances will flutter through my mind all day, and all season. But while I will feel sadness for you, I don't want to feel guilt. That is an inappropriate response to the God who has changed my circumstances.
Now, I know, having been where you are, that you don't identify with me. I'm on the other side of my miracle. But please, hear me out. I want you to know that, someday, you will very likely look back on this day on the other side of your miracle. How do I know that? Because the list of those who were in your position, in my circle of friends and acquaintances, is shrinking! I know, I know... each time someone new announces a pregnancy you think, "Well, that gives me a little hope, but when is it MY turn?!" And, for some, their miracle doesn't come in the way they wanted it to. But when it does come, you will look at that beating heart on that monitor or that child placed in your arms or that picture sent to your email, with an awe and wonder that I think most parents don't experience. I still get a little jealous when I hear of a newlywed getting pregnant and then carrying that perfect baby to term. But, in a way, I'm not jealous at all. They will be happy, but never fully know the elation of finally seeing that positive on that little stick. They will rejoice with that first cry, but not as much as if they've imagined that scenario for years, wondering if it would ever come. They will enjoy that little voice saying "Mama," but it won't be the same as if they thought they might never hear it. And I hope they will relish that first little Mother's Day card or gift that their child probably had little to do with - but it will mean a little more to you that this time, YOU are the mother, and YOURS is that child. And when that happens, you will celebrate. And you should.
I have celebrated, and I will celebrate. I will think of you and pray for you. I also think of those whose age or life stage has guaranteed they will never be a Mother, in the traditional sense. But, Lord willing, your time is coming. I'm sorry for your wait. But hang in there, because the celebration will be that much sweeter, my friend.
You turned my wailing into dancing;
You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy - Psalm 30:11 (NIV)
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