Ready or Not... Here It Comes

The countdown has begun. Well, we've been counting down since Christmas Eve when we got engaged, but let's say the countdown seems to be speeding up. We are within a week of being married. I have these little reality check moments where I can't believe it. It's so surreal. You try to picture these moments from the time you're little, and then they arrive, and it feels so strange it's as though you've never even considered them. It's not like, "This is how I thought this would be," or "This isn't how I thought it would be." It's just as though I've never given it a thought at all. Maybe that makes no sense to anyone else, but that's the only way I can explain it.
In any case, this is my last Sunday as a single person. Not that there's anything significant about Sunday because I'll be saying that about Monday, tomorrow. I'm just trying to process that at this time next week, I'll be married and on my honeymoon. Not just married, but I'll be a wife, and I'll have a husband. All of those things, while seemingly synonymous, carry their own weight and significance. I got used to having a fiance. This is totally different.
Let me clarify, for those who might fear I will be the next runaway bride, that I am extremely excited. I am just incredibly analytical and introspective (those who have read this before are giving a big, "duh" right now). I cannot wait to marry Steven. Not just to be married, as there is a great fear among single women that they will remain that way, but to marry Steven. He is my best friend, and I can't believe how God has worked to bring us to this point of being the match for the other. I can rest assured that our love is strong, our commitment is eternal, and that our life will never be boring. And I do use the singular "life" because on Saturday, we will merge two lives into one. That's the beauty of it all.

Showered with Love

So, apparently, when you're planning a wedding that is rapidly approaching and spending every evening at the theatre for a show that is even more rapidly approaching, one finds that she has no time for things like updating a blog. In fact this one will be short. I just thought that I would say that in view of my "double-header" shower day (of the bridal, rather than bath, persuasion) I feel very loved. Yes, two groups of friends planned two celebrations for Steven and I today. Truthfully, he was not invited to the first, but will reap the benefits anyway. And as it turned out, all of the participants of the first shower, were also at the second. But here's the point: I looked around at everyone who was gathered and thought, "These great people are all here to show their love and support to Steven and me." That's pretty cool. I often have a negative view of how I perceive that others feel about me. After a day like today, I am in awe of how wrong I can be. So, I just want to say to those involved, Thanks!

Memorial Day

This is a week late. I wrote it last week during church (oops), but just decided to post it. The background info is that a musical guest made a quick comment about feeling like lifting his hands but having to control himself in our church. I do not claim that a person should raise his hands or should not. Rather, he should feel comfortable to worship God in whatever way the Holy Spirit moves him. This statement, which probably went unnoticed by many and overlooked by many more, just fed my angst about our inability to grasp the idea of worshiping "in spirit and in truth," or even to care to find out what that means.


When a guest in our church feels inhibited in worship, what does that say to us? 1. There is a spirit of oppression over this place. 2. We have grown accustomed to it.

If we feel physically restricted, is that where it stops? What does our inability to lift our hands suggest? Our inability to surrender to God? Our inability to expose our hearts to Him and to immerse ourselves in worship?

How ironic on a day when we are celebrating liberty. Is Memorial Day a time for pomp and ceremony and flair- or to remind us of those who have sacrificed for us? Likewise, is church a time for pomp and ceremony and flair, or to draw our attention to the One who sacrificed His life for ours.

Is Jesus honored by our restraint? Is He honored by our fine dress and etiquette? I often wonder what pleases Him and what saddens Him - what honors Him and what mocks Him. This I know - He once walked into a temple, overturned tables, flipped things upside-down, drove people out, and created an overall ruckus because the temple was being used in the wrong way. I wonder if it isn't time for some table turning again.

A Wedding Story - Episode 2.5

I just had to post an update because something has occurred that I thought was hilarious. I want my reader(s) to know that after all the worry about running out of time for the dress, it was ordered on Saturday... and came in on Thursday. I almost passed out. And then I called Mom and Steven to laugh at them. There you have it. Procrastinating brides everywhere - it will be OK!

A Wedding Story - Episode 2

As of last Saturday, the wedding dress is ordered! I appreciate all of the "encouragement," but you can all rest your pretty little heads about at least that one thing. Please give me a couple of weeks to bask in the decision that has been made, and then you can pick something else to hound me about. I am kidding...mostly. I recognize that I have little intrinsic motivation, so I acknowledge the need for some of the external pressure. Anyway, in case you are wondering, it should be here by the beginning of July.
Last night, I had a conversation with Steven's mom and aunts about the reception. If anyone else has any good, money-saving tips, send them on. The more I analyze it (because that's what I do) the more it boggles my mind. When you get right down to it, it's a funny thing that I should be one of the poorest people at my wedding and, because of tradition, find myself feeding a multitude. I am going to have to ask for a fish and loaves miracle. I want people to come witness the ceremony. I want them to stick around afterwards to talk. And though I don't feel like I have a "dream wedding" in mind, I do want to throw flowers and cut cake and have the whole picture. That takes food (because people won't stay just because you want them to) and food takes money (duh).
I am super excited about my mom and sister, Heather, coming to visit in a week and a half. They are going to help me with the next few planning steps. I'm just glad to see them, but I hope we also get a lot accomplished. My "little" sister got married last year (see the November archives) so she has a wealth of experience and wisdom. And, of course, Mom is planning her second wedding within a year (not hers - mine and Heather's). Anyway, that's all for this wedding installment. 'Til next time...

Drumroll please...it's a List.

I made a long, arduous hike to my car a while ago to retrieve my bag containing items to prevent boredom in various situations- especially useful during non-elementary school subbing. However, the teacher left her computer logged on for me so I have instead been reading up on blogs, looking at wedding stuff, etc. This has caused me to want to update my blog, but I really don't know what to say. Therefore, here is "Kelli's First Blogging List" (try to contain your excitement). I have decided to curb the randomness and restrict this list to the joys of substitute teaching...in no particular order.

• Every day is a new situation. No cubical farm monotony here.
• It's fun to be directionally impaired and try to remember directions to and the layouts of about ten different places (so far).
• Flexible schedule.
• Sometimes not knowing, when you go to bed, if you'll work in the morning or not.
• Occasionally getting to feel like you're making a difference... or at least making someone's day a little better.
• Lots of movies.
• Re-learning all the things that were crammed down your throat in school, but never stuck... and actually enjoying it this time.
• School lunch is only $2.65! (and worth every penny)
• Getting paid to read... or do newspaper puzzles... or update blogs!
• Getting out at 2:30 or 3-ish.
• Seeing "the other side" of school... like where the teachers go that nobody else can.
• Reading fun stories to children.
• Ah! the smell of hand sanitizer.
• Watching other people struggle with Chemistry and secretly laughing at them.
• Freaking people out when you actually know the subject matter.
• Spring Break!! (break: good; paycheck: bad)
• Not having to make lesson plans, grade papers, or do homework.
• Kids are funny... all ages, different amusements.

I'm sure I could think of more if I really tried, but maybe I'll post an addendum later. I hope you enjoyed it.

Correction

Just in case there are any fans out there of Kathie Lee Gifford, Carnival Cruiseline, or 80s commercials, I thought I would throw in a correction from two entries ago. After much reflection I realized that the song on the commercial was not "Who Could Ask for Anything More" but was in fact, "If They Could See Me Now" or whatever the song with those words is actually titled. I still think there was a commercial using the former song, but I can't remember what it was. I'm sure no one else was losing sleep over this, but I just couldn't allow myself to knowingly be wrong.

A Wedding Story - Episode 1

I don't know if I will continue with the above title, but I needed something for now and I couldn't think of anything better. The wedding is 7 months from today which sounds a whole lot shorter than the original "a little less than 10 months." I mean, ten months is almost a year; seven months is approaching half a year. Maybe you don't agree, but it feels like a big difference.
As it is the seven month mark, Steven and my mom conspired against me and decided that today is my deadline for ordering a wedding dress (this being the biggest priority for this time frame as the dress can take a while to come in and be altered, etc.). Mind you, I ignored them almost completely in an act of defiance. However, I did go shopping again this weekend and have come to three favorites. So, I am getting closer.
I have already started having wedding nightmares. Ok, so maybe "nightmare" is too strong a word. I don't wake up in a cold sweat or anything. But there is a definite sense of panic. It's usually about major things being left undone. The funny thing is, they don't take place at the wedding, but at or around the time of the rehearsal. I would have to consult my fiance, the dream interpreter, but I suppose that means I am stressed about the preparation, but not the actual event. If I am right, then I suppose that's good. However, seven months is long when you think of it as seven months of stress. So, I resolve to try not think of it that way (is something really a resolve if you're just "trying" to do it? Oh well). I will think of it as seven more months of pre-wedding excitement. Yeah, that's better.

A Little of Life Right Now

So, here's the thing... the thing is, my posts are mostly serious. Now, there's nothing wrong with being serious or insightful. And I did warn my readers that a major quirk, if you will, of mine is that I am over-analytical. However, after reading the blogs of several friends, I realize that mine is missing a lighthearted side. (There were some non-deep things around Christmas, but I'm sort of overlooking those for the time being). I'm a lighthearted gal (did I just say "gal"?) so I think I need more posts about the lighter side of life. For one thing, because I rarely post, I think I've come to feel that anything worthy of writing about should be significant. The flip side of this being that if I wrote more often, I could write "lighter," and vice versa. Here's the other thing: when I'm not writing about something serious, I tend to ramble in randomness. Thus, the title of this blog.

Today I am an english/drama teacher. No, I am a person sitting in an english/drama classroom for the purpose of keeping order. Despite that, I thought to myself today, "I like subbing." And since that is my present "career" (I use that word lightly), I think it is good that I like it. The part I don't like is having to be mean. Don't get me wrong- I'm good at it. I just need to find a balance between meanness and love- discipline and compassion. I suppose parents know what I'm talking about.

I have lately been floating between two musicals. Neither seems like it will be ready for performance in time. In one, I dance. In the other, I teach others to dance. I enjoy both, but it can be stressful. Nonetheless, I am doing what I love and, in one case, getting paid for it. As Kathie Lee Gifford once sang in a commercial from my childhood, "Who could ask for anything more?" (Sorry Gershwin)

Well, speaking of the previous two paragraphs, I should use this planning period to work on choreography stuff. I hope you enjoyed the randomness. Maybe there will be more to follow. One of these days I'm going to get totally wild and do a LIST!

Civil Rights

Alas, I am a day late. Readers of my blog (do those exist?) would say that I am several weeks late. Given what I am about to discuss, the negative thinkers among us would call it a month late. I am choosing to say that one day into March and out of February (among other things, Black History Month for those of you who don't spend regular amounts of time in the public school system) I am a day late. Call it positivity, call it an attempt to lessen the stigma of procrastination, or just call it exasperating and tell me to get on with it.

I could write about many things in regard to black history and black culture. Some topics would be controversial; some would hopefully be insightful; some would probably just show my ignorance. But today, what caught my attention was a series of pictures and descriptions encircling a social studies classroom. The posters depicted the progression of the civil rights movement from the late 1800s
until the "assassination" of Martin Luther King, Jr. in 1968. I would argue that there was probably more to say about the movement even after the death of Mr. King, but that's another issue.

The event that held my attention was the integration of the University of Mississippi in 1962. In September of 1962, the Supreme Court ordered the university to admit its first black student, James Meredith. The color of this man's skin prompted 14 hours of rioting leaving two dead and nearly 200 injured as well as the deployment of 20,000 federal troops to restore order by Mr. Meredith's mere setting foot on campus. You can say what you will about the decline of society, but I am astounded that this barbaric event, among other similarly horrific ones, took place in this country only 43 years ago. I am amazed at the ludicrousy of such discrimination. In the early forties, America fought a war across the ocean in part to stop the outrageous persecution of the Jewish people. Twenty years later, a large portion of our population regarded one of our own citizens with the same Nazi-like disgust on our own soil. Twenty thousand troops and two dead. The president had to call for 20,000 troops to stop childish fighting over the presence of a man with darker skin pigment. What is equally amazing is how easy it is for us to find reasons to hate another person.

We learn about history not so that we can feel smart when we watch Jeopardy or play Trivial Pursuit, but so that we can learn from the mistakes of our predecessors. I confess that I don't know nearly enough about history. But I know that my generation, and today's children need to learn about the atrocities of the past. Prejudice still exists today, and in much more complicated terms than the color of one's skin. You might say we've become more "sophisticated" in our dislike and disdain of each other. We have to learn how to love each other, and to do that we have to move beyond ourselves and really see each other. Think about it.

My ENGAGEMENT!

Ok, ok...many have complained about the lack of an engagement posting, but let's face it, all of those people have heard about it already!

Yes, as of Christmas Eve, I am engaged to marry Steven Suits. He flew to Orlando to surprise me...and it worked! It's strange how even though we had talked about the prospect of marriage, it's a totally different feeling and mindset when the question has been presented and the ring is on your finger. (If you haven't heard the whole story, and want to hear it, just tell me...and let me just say, it's a GOOD story)

So, now we have about a million decisions to make. Actually, I hope it's more like 200...225... because we've decided to make a decision a day (and truthfully, we haven't exactly held to that). If you know either of us, you know that decisions are not our "thing"...it's more like I break into a cold sweat and he gets a migraine. So, pray for us!

The big day, forebearing any unseen conflicts, is October 14, 2006. Mark your calendars!

My Christmas

Thanks to my brother, Adam, for "letting" me steal this. Check out his site with the link to the left.