Approved

Update: Last week our homestudy was approved and entered "cyberspace."  It's not really cyberspace, but we are "searchable" to adoption workers looking for families.  It's a nice feeling, approval.  We continue to have excited "what if" moments as well as the "oh my, what have we done" ones.  Ok, I do.  Steven might just be excited ;)

"I Formed You..."

Backlog #2

September 11, 2012

There are things about anticipating adoption that are very different from the thoughts and feelings you would expect when anticipating a birth of a biological child.  I have never been pregnant, but it's easier to sympathize with and understand that kind of anticipation because most people have experienced that and most of those have written or at least talked about it.  Here is an obvious difference: with birth, you generally have about nine months to prepare, question, worry, get excited, etc.  Unless the baby is born early, you pretty much know when to expect him or her.  With adoption, you could be looking at a couple of months or a couple of years.  This is just one difference.  There are many.

What I've been thinking about lately is that in addition to the ways adoption is different, DSS adoption is even different than other ways of adopting.  Recently, I was in our infant room at work where a co-worker has beautifully decorated a canvas with words from the Bible, in Jeremiah 1:5, which says, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..."  I've seen and even thought about that verse many times; but that day I was seeing it in a new light.  I know many parents think about their newly forming baby and hear those words.  God destined this child to be.  He took a bit of you and a bit of another person and intentionally created a new person for whom He has a plan.  Sometimes God's plan involves someone else raising that child.  I recently watched a couple of episodes of a new show called, "I'm Having Their Baby."  It's a heart-wrenching reality show about moms who decide, for various reasons, that their child would have a better life if someone else raised them.  I encourage everyone to watch at least one episode of that show (but be forewarned - you will need tissues).  It gives a very candid picture of the agonizing choice some women make to hand over their babies to another person.  So, back to the verse... sometimes God says, "Before I formed you in the womb [of one woman], I knew you [and directed her to know that I needed you to be raised by another]"  But in the case of DSS adoptions, it isn't the loving choice of a mother that has caused the need for adoption.  In these cases, the child has been forcibly removed from a dangerous or otherwise unfit home.  So as I am praying for the child God will entrust to us (who may or may not already be born) I realize that it is a sinful world that will cause me to be able to be a parent.  My child is most likely going to be in harm's way before coming to me.  Maybe he or she is being hurt right now.  And as hard as it is to fathom, that is also God's plan.  "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you... [I knew that you were going to be born into unsafe or even toxic conditions.  I knew you were going to have to be uprooted.  I have also made a way for you to be safe, but it won't be easy]."  How do I pray for this child?

Things we take for granted...

It's so cool that some people get to go to the hospital one day and come home a couple days later with a baby.  No strings attached.  You didn't have to prove you're worthy of it, and you don't have to wonder if you're going to get to keep it.  If you've had that experience, I hope you're thankful for it.

Pharaoh, Pharaoh...

Has anyone ever noticed that despite our society becoming more violent and children being exposed to more detrimental things at an earlier age, children's stories are actually becoming more tame?  Have you looked at a book of fairy tales lately?  There's always something about somebody being killed or children eaten by witches, etc.  Those things would be considered too gruesome or frightening for today's children.  However, I would also like to point out that we have also severely dumbed down the language.  When I read an old story to my four-year-olds, it feels like I'm translating a book from another language on the spot (which, by the way, I have done).  I am trying to let my eyes read ahead so I can change words that are too hard to understand into easier concepts and find better ways to say, "She said, 'I will bite off his fingers.'"  If you haven't had that experience, I don't particularly recommend it - it makes your head hurt!  I'm going to have to do some more thinking about why things have changed and what effect it has on today's children.  In most cases, I am in favor of sheltering children when they're that young.  But, at the same time, maybe there's some merit to scaring them! 

Now, here's where it bothers me.  For a long time, I have been amused by the way that children's Bibles or preschool Sunday School curriculum have chosen to tell certain bible stories.  For instance, there is no mention of the feud between Jacob and Esau except to focus on the fact that they forgave each other and reconciled.  I'm not saying that a child should understand the complexities of the problems between them, but it's just funny that that part is kept from them.  That's really the beauty of the Bible - that it is applicable to us at every stage or situation in life.  However, I was recently looking for a children's version of the plagues of Egypt part of the Exodus story and found that it is very hard to come by.  Most sources I found went straight from Moses at the burning bush to the Israelites crossing the Red Sea.  I am convinced that it is because it is too hard to explain a loving God that pours out judgment and wrath.  It's okay for Pharaoh to kill babies, because he's a "bad guy," but when God kills babies?  That's too much.  We can't teach little children that!  Why not?!  Yes, I want them to understand that God is loving.  Yes, I am hoping they don't ask certain questions that will be too difficult to explain to the whole group.  But it is part of the character of God, it makes us fear Him in a good way, and, later, it will add so much to their understanding of grace!  We need to stop making excuses for God.  He doesn't need us to defend Him.  He is who He is... He said so Himself!  "God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.'" (Exodus 3:14)

I am not meaning to criticize parenting styles or the writing habits of the good folks at Lifeway.  I am suggesting that we, as adults, need to stop candy-coating God, and take a good, hard look at who He is.  Maybe letting Him be who He is instead of glossing past the parts we don't like, will help us understand Him a little better and comprehend the relationship He's trying to have with us.

Thoughts From a Month Ago

This is the first of those previously-written-but-not-posted entries I spoke of in the last blog...

Typing is easier than writing.  We have become a computer driven society and I think I'm getting lazy.  So there have been times when I've wanted to journal but I've been too lazy to sit down with the book and get a hand cramp.  Also, I don't mind making some things public, but since we are still keeping the adoption out of the public eye, I can't blog about what I think about, what's happening, and how it all makes me feel.  I wish I had done this sooner- type out entries to save and post later.  But I'm starting now.

Aug. 17, 2012
Though we thought we'd have about three months between turning in paperwork and starting the homestudy process, in reality, we had about one month and it will be completed within THIS month.  This is exciting and frightening all at the same time.  Because, by September, the waiting-for-a-phone-call phase begins.  I've heard the term "paper pregnancy" and I'm starting to understand what that means.  What I hadn't counted on, was the hormonal-like emotions!  Maybe some of the emotions during pregnancy that get blamed on hormones are really just the reality hitting that your life is about to change forever.  My mind is being pulled in more directions than usual and at times I feel like I'm on the edge of a minor breakdown. 

The Cat Is Out...

So, here's the thing... we've had a secret.  And even though the cat is out of the bag now, we're not making any Facebook announcements because, well, Steven doesn't want to :)  He figures that the people who need to know are the people we see or talk to on a regular basis and, therefore, we will tell them in person and they will know.  Granted, Facebook has gotten way out of hand and we have too many "friends" on there.  As a side note - we have really cheapened that word.  Moving on...  Steven has always been more secretive than I.  I want to honor his request, but I like to work through things by talking or writing about them.  The solution is that I will write about things on this blog and can refer people here if they want to know more, but I will not direct people here by way of Facebook.  And now on to the news...

We have completed the paperwork and interview part of the process to become adoptive parents!  It is exciting and frightening all at the same time.  We are now in the waiting phase.  It's hard to answer a lot of questions when you're going through the first part of the process, so we didn't tell a lot of people.  Now it is out of our hands and questions aren't so bad.  Here are some of the basic, frequently asked ones to get out of the way:  1. What age?  We are looking at birth to five years.  2. Who are you using?  DSS (social services) - it is essentially free and we feel good about their objectives and means.  3. What now?  Whereas most agencies are looking for children for their families, DSS is looking for families for their children.  Our information will soon be in a database accessible to all the agents in SC (and maybe a couple of surrounding states) who will be looking for families in which to place children who need a permanent home.  We will then get a phone call, hear about a child they think is a good match for us, and make a prayerful decision about whether or not we agree.  I am over-simplifying the process, but that's it, in a nutshell. 

Here are the answers to the question nobody wants to ask but wants to know:
Why?  We have been considering adoption since before we were married.  Steven has always had a soft spot in his heart for adoption because his grandmother was adopted (by a relative) and his parents were foster parents, for a time.  I have always felt a strange "calling," of sorts, to adopt.  When Steven and I were considering marriage, I asked him how he felt about adoption because I felt like it was going to be in our future and I needed to know he was okay with it.  He was more than okay :)  We thought we would have our own biological children first and then adopt a few more (Steven's numbers were '4' and '2'.  I did not have particular numbers in mind).  Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails."  And in Proverbs 16:9, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."  As is often the case, we thought we knew our course, but God is ordering our steps in a different way.  I think, in a way, even though not being able to conceive is a painful and unexpected journey, somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I always thought this might be God's path for us.  Maybe I'll write more about that side of things another time.  For now, suffice it to say, it seems we are adopting first and maybe adopting only. 

A few weeks ago I had the idea that I could write blog entries about this, including the date they were written, and not post them until we were ready for people to know.  I wish I had this idea much sooner.  This process has been... well, just that: a process!  From deciding it might be time to look into it, to wondering which avenue to pursue, to choosing a path, to all the thoughts and emotions that come along the way, it's been a wild ride.  It's far from over, but I just can't go back and recapture all that I've missed.  I didn't even journal about it much.  Fail.  I'm already failing as a parent!  I'm kidding... sort of.   In the next few days or weeks, I will post the couple of things that I did manage to write recently.  Anyway, please pray for us as we wait.  Pray for the DSS agents who are trying to find homes for children.  Pray for God's will to be done on all sides.  Thanks for caring enough to read this.

The Whole Picture

Something occurred to me today in a new way.  I know, I know.  Shocking, right?  Anyway, here goes my attempted explanation...

The Bible explains the comparison between the Old Testament system of animal sacrifice and Jesus' death on the cross.  The shedding of blood is necessary for the forgiveness of sin.  I don't know exactly why - it's God's system, not mine.  I'm sure mine would be much more messy and complicated.  So, in the past, there was a detailed system of animal sacrifice for purification.  This system was finished when Jesus took our place.  He shed His blood as the sacrifice for our sins.  Here's the revelation: we tend to say that Jesus became our sacrifice and mirrored animal sacrifice, but it's really the other way around.  The Old Testament system was BECAUSE, later, Jesus would show us the true picture of the sacrificial shedding of blood.  Why does it matter which is the cause and which is the result?  Mostly, because it's just cooler this way!  We tend to look at life through our worldly perspective and forget that God sees the whole picture.  We have simple-mindedly decided that B happens as a result of A, but in God's eyes A is just getting us to B.  When God designed the methods of animal sacrifice, He had His Son's death on the cross in mind.  I understand that God is sovereign and while thinking about the ramifications of that can completely hurt one's brain, I've never really thought about this aspect of it.  I think it's good to remind ourselves, often, that the things that happen in our world and in our individual lives did not catch God by surprise.  He knew this day was coming from the foundation of the world.  He didn't just know it, He designed it to be this way for a reason.  But it's His reason.  He alone has the master plan.  Every so often, we get to see glimpses of it, but much of it remains a mystery.  I'm glad I serve a God I can't understand.

Jesus, Friend of Sinners

This is an amazing song, by Casting Crowns, that should be convicting for every Christian.  And I also hope it shows those who don't believe, because they judge Christianity by its followers, that we are all sinners, too.  There's nothing wrong with the music, but the lyrics are what slapped me in the face.  So here they are...

Jesus, Friend of Sinners
(by Mark Hall, Matthew West)

Jesus, friend of sinners
We have strayed so far away
We cut down people in Your name
But the sword was never ours to swing

Jesus, friend of sinners
The truth’s become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You
But they’re tripping over me

Always looking around but never looking up
I’m so double minded
A plank-eyed saint with dirty hands
And a heart divided

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world
At the end our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Break our hearts for what breaks Yours

Jesus, friend of sinners
The One whose writing in the sand
Made the righteous turn away
And the stones fall from their hands

Help us to remember
We are all the least of these
Let the memory of Your mercy
Bring Your people to their knees

Nobody knows what we’re for
Only what we’re against
When we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs
Crossed over the lines
And loved like You did

You love every lost cause
You reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame
They’re the reason that You came
Lord, I was that lost cause
And I was the outcast
But You died for sinners just like me
A grateful leper at Your feet

‘Cause You are good
You are good
And Your love endures forever
And I was the lost cause
And I was the outcast
You died for sinners just like me
A grateful leper at Your feet

© 2011 Sony/ATV Tree Publishing (BMI) All rights on behalf of Sony/ATV Tree Publishing administered by Sony/ATV. / My Refuge Music (BMI) (adm. at EMICMGPublishing.com) / External Combustion Music / Songs of Southside Independent Music Publishing, LLC / Songs for Delaney (ASCAP)

Sunday: A day of... rest?

This has been a very busy day.  That is not so unusual except that today is Sunday.  Sunday, as in, "Day of Rest," "Remember the Sabbath..."  I found myself saying many times today, "This is NOT a day of rest."  Now, I can't complain too much.  I did manage to squeeze in a nap.  And by "nap" I mean I laid down for an hour, started to doze off once, and mostly thought about what I should be doing instead.  The day started with having to be at church early (8:00 - not terrible, just earlier than usual) to, in essence, prepare for worship.  Then, after church, was a fairly leisurely lunch and the aforementioned nap attempt.  At 3:00 I was back at church for a meeting about a ministry opportunity we are helping to launch.  I left that meeting, before it was over, to rush to the student building for another meeting about a ministry I'm already involved in.  I had to leave that meeting early to GO to the actual ministry.  And now I've arrived home about 9:30.  I would like to say I'm done for the day, but I need to work on some things I need to teach at ANOTHER church activity I'm involved with tomorrow after my full day of work.  Does anyone see a problem here???  No, I am not trying to "toot my own horn."  Far from it!  If you think that, you have completely missed the point.  I just can't help but wonder if this is the exact thing God was speaking of when He said, "Remember the Sabbath day..."  Not, "Remember all your appointments at church on Sunday."   "Remember the Sabbath day... to keep it holy."  Did I have a "holy" day?  I don't think so.  Did I worship?  I guess so.  Somewhere in between worrying about the music and thinking ahead to what I had to do today, I think I took a couple of minutes to praise God.  So now my whole Sabbath day has been whittled down to a few meaningful minutes and the rest filled with fluff.  Actually, probably the best thing I did all day was to skip Sunday School and sit with a friend for a while talking about life.  Real life.  Real encouragement.  I knew the day was heading in the wrong direction when I walked out the door without my Bible.  I disappointed myself with that one, and I should have let it change the course of my day.  It didn't.

Here's the thing...  The "stuff" I did all day was good stuff.  We SHOULD be looking for ways to serve and not just occupy space and let other people feed us.  Obviously, I get that.  But where do we draw the line?  At what point are we too busy "Serving God" that we neglect worshiping Him?  I guess I just had a Martha day...

     Luke 10:38-42
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

 I need to learn to be still.  I don't want to "grow weary in well-doing."  I've been there.  I probably AM there again. I am so thankful for all the opportunities I am given to use whatever gifts God has given me for His glory.  But I get the feeling my busy-ness doesn't honor Him. 

What's up.

I need to write.  There is too much jumbled up stuff in my brain lately and whenever that happens, the paper or, in this case, the screen, helps me sort it all out and find things that I didn't even know were in there.  Maybe what I really need is to go find a journal.  Yes, I should probably do that, too.  But, perhaps since I spend so much time reading status updates and whatnot, I'm feeling drawn to the blog.  I don't even really care if no one else reads it.  In fact, in a way, I'd rather not be so public.  So why am I here?  Ease?  Availability?  I'll consult the journal and get back to you.