Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Vocational Purgatory

I keep feeling like I should post something new. I no longer have the excuse of no time and have actually spent a large amount of time on the computer in recent days. So, without excuses I am left with the desire to say something but not sure about how I feel about this transitional period in which I find myself. I felt God leading me away from my job. It was probably even overdue. I felt Him leading me to work at SeeSalt and then trust Him for the rest. So I did. Now I'm into "the rest" and feeling rather abandoned. I don't have a very good idea of what I'm supposed to be doing and even if I just settle for working to eat instead of eating to work, I don't have any strong leads for that either. I think I know the long range plans but am starting to feel like there are many steps between now and then. I am starting to doubt decisions I made a long time ago that I thought were Spirit-led. In my heart I know it was the right thing but my head would sure like to argue with it in the face of difficulty. Regardless, there's nothing I can do about that now. I would really like to get to a point in life where I didn't have to continually ask, "What's next?" I guess that won't ever really end, but do I have to be this unsettled ALL the time? I keep going through an endless cycle of asking, waiting, listening, grasping at air, and starting over. It's getting old and I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. Change should be exciting, but is it any wonder that it causes me such turmoil when I am constantly in its midst and it produces such frustration?

1 comment:

Charlotte said...

Do not forget the wisdom of Jer. 29:11, my dear--a popular Scripture to memorize for a reason :) I will have to give my chan a call soon! Love to you!